It's been about a year since I've posted anything on here. I doubt anyone even checks this thing anymore. I used to use this as a place to say something that seemed important or insightful, but, that was never my intention in the first place. I just wanted somewhere to stream thoughts.

I've been browsing the internet this morning, and every time I pull up a news page I'm looking for the same thing. Of course, it's not there, but it seems like it should be. You see, yesterday the world stopped. Or, it seemingly stopped. And I know for those closest to Joseph, it did stop. I'm not related to Joseph and I certainly did not know him as well as some of Allen and Gillian's closest friends. But, I loved him and so did my little girl and my family. We prayed and begged and pleaded for God to heal his little body- every day, and every night. It was such a part of my daughter's repertoire, that, we have to keep explaining how our prayers change. And, by all accounts it's the greatest change any of us will ever go through. It's what we're made for- to live with Jesus. It's the completion of our soul's journey- to go home and be complete. It's the human side of me that feels ripped apart for Joe's parents. "Little" Allen who had to let his son go. I don't know Gillian as well, but, I don't know if I respect anyone as much as her either. They kept a blog where both of them kept everyone updated and showed their vulnerabilities. And, the Father was leaned on so unswervingly and given praise, that the testimony was powerful.

And my friend, Jennifer, has written some amazing things about her beloved nephew on her blog. The scriptures are clear about the kinds of strength we are given to face the cruel and appalling disappointments of this broken world. My prayer for all of them, is that it is this Godly strength and the arms of Jesus that would be collapsed upon and into. Joseph is complete and whole now- more than any of us are today and he will be waiting for his mom and dad and sweet sister and all of those that he loves to join him in his completion. The trials we face here are but a brief moment compared to the eternal glory we will exist in. But, they're gut wrenchingly painful, at best. At worst, they're unimaginable and unbearable. But, with the hope we have in the gospel, they're made temporary. And that is the only way to survive them- knowing that it's not forever- it's but a brief moment.

Prayer

I haven't posted in a very long time, so, I'll update on happenings at our house later on. For those of you who are still checking this, please pray for the Farley family. They are not close friends of mine, but, I have know them for a long time from CPC Alliance days. They are walking through the fire at this moment with their little family. Here is a link to their site: http://www.conorbootheandgirls.blogspot.com Please pray for their sweet family. Their enduring family has been a testimony to literally thousands of people.

Courtney

Why, When and How

This is an open question post. Yesterday in church, our pastor was talking about the church in Laodicea. Since that wouldn't necessarily ring bells for me either, it was the church that the Scripture passage was written to concerning being hot and cold and not lukewarm. I'm sure that most of us have heard that verse in church or school or some other capacity. I can think of many, many times it would have been brought to mind in college.....anyway..... Our pastor was talking about how self-sufficient and arrogant this church had become, thus the letter being written to them to confront them and their sin. I had a confrontation a couple of weeks ago with a very old and dear friend. It did not go well. But, I did tell her things that I felt had been put on my heart to tell her many times and had lacked the courage to do so. My heart breaks for her because of some of the decisions that she has made and is making. However, that is not to say that I am anywhere close to being perfect- I am so far from it. I could post for days about the sins that I deal with constantly and the poor attitude I have being a parent frequently. But, I feel as if I am continually challenged on these things by my husband and friends, and mostly, by God. So, before I drone on and on, has anyone dealt with this before? I know I have been vague, but, in the spirit of confidentiality, I don't want to reveal too much. I love her dearly, but, when do you let go? How long do you watch someone not seem to care about their sin? Is it any of our business as friends, or more so, as sisters in Christ? I would love to hear any opinions on this!!!........

Daddies

I should have posted this before Father's Day. Oops. Anyway, most of you know that I did not have a close relationship with my father. He was an alcoholic and left our family when I was 12. Although he was in and out for most of my life, I never felt as if Father's Day was something I was ever able to participate in. Having said that for history's sake, that is not why I'm posting.
I am posting today to celebrate my husband. God has given me such a gift not only in Rob as my husband, but, as a father to my children. He loves our girls so much and he takes time to talk to them, play with them, read to them and really get to know them. When he comes home at night, he wants to know all about what we did that day and how they acted/reacted to the things that we did. It's amazing to me to see how he wants to be so involved in every aspect of their lives. He hugs and kisses them and, in turn, disciplines them sternly and lovingly. He's not perfect, by any means, but he's pretty incredible anyway. I have been privileged to be able to witness the father that he is to them. The girls are crazy about him and I know that that security and confidence in a father that loves them will be a catalyst for them to grasp the love of their heavenly Father. I hope that he feels honored as he should because he is our rock and we love him so very much. Happy Father's Day, honey!

Going Home

I thought when I started this blog that I would just post things all the time. But, I have found that I want to have something to say, even if it's not earth shattering. This morning I went to a funeral of a very dear family friend, Peggy Southard. She had been battling cancer for 2 years and she passed away on Sunday morning. She and her family had planned the entire funeral and it was amazing. I don't even think that I can do the experience justice by describing it. It was truly a praise and worship celebration. I feel spiritually revitalized just by being able to listen to the testimony of the friends and family that loved her. I feel comissioned to go deeper with Christ and deeper into the Word because of the legacy of her faith that we celebrated today. A woman like Mrs. Southard is rare indeed. But, what I saw today was a description of an imperfect woman who struggled just as I do and many others do also. The magnetism of who she was, and is, was found in her relationship with Jesus. I can't explain what the whole service encompassed as far as describing her life and relationships and such. But, what I do know is that I felt God there. Intensely. He met everyone in that place today. And through His effect on believers and non-believers there, there was no doubt a call to Himself. For me personally, it was a call to be first and foremost a daughter of the Son of God. Then a wife, then a mother, then a child, and then a friend. I'm going to linger in the moment that was today and I pray that what I heard today would continue to penetrate. Because even though Peggy was by no means perfect, she was a standard of faith, relationship, and compassion that I aspire to. I can only imagine how it would feel to lose a mother at our relatively young ages. But, I know that the time they had with her is immeasurable and incomparable. I want to love my children the way that she loved her children. And, especially I want to love and cherish my husband the way that she loved and cherished hers. What a marriage. What a relationship. What a life.

Prayers Needed

Please pray for a little girl named Annabelle Obersteadt. She has been battling cancer now for a year. She is just three years old. She underwent an operation in Feb. that removed most of her tumor, but, her parents have just now learned that the cancer has returned. They will be going to Vanderbilt in the next 2 weeks to undergo many tests to determine where the cancer is this time. Please pray for this little girl and this family. They have been through so much this year. The little girl's father is a high school classmate of mine.

Nature Exploration

So, today I took the kids to do something different. We have been a little cooped up the past couple of days. I mean, we've been outside, we've just been outside at home- no driving. GAS!!! It's so freaking expensive. Everytime I fill up (yes, my Honda minivan- I'm old), I want to throw up. Anyway, I took the girls to this old country club in Franklin. It closed down about 3 years ago, and the city of Franklin bought it with aspirations of creating a big park. But right now, it's just an overgrown golf course. There are all sorts of cart paths throughout the course. However, the best part is that there is an abundance of wildlife at the 3 different ponds on the course. I took the girls in the stroller down the path and we discovered some geese, ducks, and even a crane. We had brought some dry bread to feed them and we, including me, had a blast! The looks on the girls' faces were priceless. The geese were very friendly, not that I let the girls touch them though-let's be honest; birds are filthy. But, they didn't hiss or fly away when we got close to them.
The reason why I wanted to post this is b/c today, just for a moment, I felt like a bit of a hero. When the girls looked at me, it was if I had been hiding this magical spot and revealed it to them at that instant. I felt so thankful that God had given me these little babies to be able to amaze with His own magnificent creation. And though it may sound cheesy or nostalgic, it was such a favorite moment. It really was.
I am constantly telling my friends, I feel, about how hard it is to be a parent. And it is- lots of cleaning, making meals, disciplining, and less sleep. I'm afraid that I don't talk enough about how incredibly wonderful and rewarding it is. Sometimes, I don't talk about that aspect b/c I'm trying to be sensitive to those who are unable to have children or those who desire a family and are not at a particular point in life where that is a reality. But, I am realizing that life should be a celebration of all avenues- whichever ones we happen to be traveling down. B/c I want my children to know that even though I have to be Courtney and not just Mommy sometimes, that they, along with their Dad, are God's greatest gifts to me. B/c we choose our friends, to an extent, and we can take some pride as to who we choose and why we choose to continue the friendships. But, our children are given to us specifically from the Father who knows how to choose well for us. And what we do with them and for them molds them into the people that they will grown into. That is a great responsibility and an incredible honor. Today as I got to watch their little minds reeling with all that was around them, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude. And when they looked at me, I also saw their little hearts swelling with love for their mommy b/c they were grateful for what I had done for them and with them today. You can't buy that, create that, take that, or make that - that is a gift from a Father who looked down on me today like I looked at my very own children....